I AM CANADIAN – The new Canadian rant


The New Canadian Rant

My name is Norm and I AM CANADIAN

I am a minority in Vancouver, Toronto and every casino in this country.

I was born in 1958, yet I am responsible for some FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE

I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.

I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a
seat belt.

All the money I make until mid July must go to paying taxes.

I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant. These
same people cannot name this country’s new territory.

Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don’t have a
pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase a
nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee.

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec
Still provides my nation’s prime ministers.

95% of my nation’s international conflicts are over fish.

I’m supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I’m sure
none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that

I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.

I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.

Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather
gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don’t
register it.

I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the
rest of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn’t support or
recognize the English language.

I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes ("The Voice of Fire
painting in Ottawa) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase,
Even though 99% of this country didn’t want it or will ever see it.

When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of
I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care
than the Americans."

I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry because
I control the rain.

My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I don’t
know either of them.

Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest
Military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination
for fleeing terrorists.

I am not an angry white male. I am an angry taxpayer who is fucking

My name is Norm, and I am Canadian.


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