Man Mart

A new store that sells men opens in Dallas, TX
A woman may go to choose a husband from among MANY men.
The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive
attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is however, a catch: As you open the door to any floor you may choose
a man from that floor. But if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down
except to exit the building–no stopping on any lower floors.
A woman goes to the shopping center to find a man.
***************** On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that’s better than my
last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?" So up she goes.
***************** The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love sports, and drink beer.
The woman smiles to himself, "That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?"
 *************** The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love sports, drink beer, and are extremely
good looking.
"Hmmm, better!" she says. "But I wonder what’s upstairs?"
***************** The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love sports, drink beer, are extremely good
looking and do all the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more, much more,
further up!" She heads up another flight.
***************** The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love sports, drink beer, are extremely good
looking, do all the housework and don’t bitch and gripe about anything.
"Hot Dang! close to perfect can you get?.. .. But just think…..what
must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
***************** The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 – Welcome. You are visitor 133,956,779,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women
are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping Man Mart, and have a nice day.

I Am Homophobic

As my personal view, a sad comment on the state of this country as a whole. However, I am Homophobic.With that being said, I am damn proud It.  It’s very strange nonetheless that when one doesn’t conform exactly with our idiotic and corrupt politicians views,

one is somehow labelled with a less than a flattering term.                                                   
In this situation, I consider it a compliment…..
         Mike D

The L.A.R.K. program

A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan war.  Below is a copy of the response.

The White House
 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C.

Dear Concerned Citizen

Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The administration takes these matters seriousl y, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.  You’ll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.  In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your residence next Monday.  Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment.  We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you descr ibed as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome this character flaw.  Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers.  He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless you feel that this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters since he views females as a subhuman form of property.  This is a particularly sensitive subject for him.  He has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he considers appropriate, but I’m sure that over time they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka.  Just remind them that it 
is all p art of respecting his culture and his religious beliefs.

Thanks again for your letter.  We truly appreciate it when folks like you inform us of the proper way to do our job.  Take good care of Ahmed and good luck!


Don Rumsfeld

Canadian Immigration Test

Canadian Immigration Test

How to pass an immigration test in Canada…
Habib was trying to get into Canada legally through Immigration. The Officer said, "Habib , you have passed most of the required tests, but there is one more compulsory test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter Canada."
Habib said, "I am ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Habib thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready."
The Officer said, "Go ahead."
Habib said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up,
and say, ‘Yellow, this is Habib.’"
Habib now lives in a neighbourhood near you, and works at a Bell Canada help desk.